Keep your hands to yourself.

But mom, she touched me first!

BOTH of you keep your hands to yourself, then.

I was just sitting here and she reached over and…

That may be. But from now on, you’ll both keep your hands to yourself. And your feet. And anything else that is attached to your body.

What about toys?

You also need to keep those to yoursel… Wait. Who threw that?

It was an accident! I was just looking at it and all of a sudden, it flew out of my hands and…

A book just “flew” out of your hands all of a sudden?

Yes! 

KEEP BOOKS AND HANDS AND FEET AND EYELASHES AND EVERYTHING TO YOURSELF. Do not touch one another for the rest of the drive. Do not throw anything. Just sit there and relax.

I’m relaxing.

Daddy says he’s relaxing!

Yes, I heard him. I’d like to relax, too, but it’s hard when you’re both…
WHO THREW THAT??

*stunned silence from the backseat*

Sorry. It flew out of my hand.

Nick! Seriously, that could have hit one of the girls and…

But they started it!

Thank you, babe. I appreciate all your help here.

Any time.