“Hey, Ella. We can get some big ass gas for the car!”

“I’d love some big ass gas!”

“Hellllooo, Big Gas Man!”

I’m not sure that you understand that commercial.

“I could use some big ass gas savings!”

We all could. But the commercial actually says big GAS savings. Big. Gas. Savings.

“Big ass gas savings!”

No… You’re adding an extra… word. And it’s really a word you shouldn’t be saying.

“Which word?”

The one after big.

“Ass? I shouldn’t be saying ass?”

Yup. That’s the one. Nailed it, Annie.

“So it isn’t ‘big ass gas’?”

Nope.

“Well… It could be ‘big ass gas’ if someone farted really big.”

I suppose that’s true, Ella. And I like how you used such lovely grammatical thinking. But still. Don’t say that word.

“No more ass!”

Super.

—————————–

“Shall we watch ‘Next Food Network Star’ while we eat tonight?”

“Yes, Daddy!”

“Awesome. Em, can you divvy up the dinners?”

Sure. Which one of you has the ravioli?

“I’ve just got to get one thing and… oh, shit!”

(From me: death stare. From girls: cricket-worthy silence.)

“Ah, girls. I’m sorry. I just said a bad word.”

“It’s okay, Daddy!”

“And it’s not a word you can use. In fact, I shouldn’t even have used it.”

Not in front of you, at least.

“It’s just not a word that you should say.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“I apologize for using it. It’s just not a nice word.”

I think they’ve got it now. No need to keep going.

“I’m not even sure if you know which word was the bad one, but…”

“Daddy, we can’t say S-H-I-T, right?”

Looks like they understand which word, babe.

“Sure does. Glad we had this talk.”

————————-

Both of these conversations have occurred within the past week. I think we win some kind of parenting award, except it’s more like the booby prize.
Or maybe the booty prize. Aw, snap!

Okay. I’ll quit while I’m ahead.
Or am I already a little behind??

Okay, seriously. Enough.
Annie offered me ten cents yesterday for her lunch. I forgot to give the nickels back, which is a good thing, because now I can save it for her future therapy. Or at least put it toward gas.